Wednesday, December 30, 2009

TIME TRAVEL

On a busy road in a buzzing city
I held mom's hand tightly,
to help her old frail self cross the road safely.

Unexpectedly midway my hand froze
and my mind hazed out.
I became a little girl ,several years ago,
holding on to mom,
clutching her firm hand with my little fingers,
scared of the city traffic.

The next instant
my little girl became me ,
telling my old ears not to worry,
and hold on to her confident hand tightly,
as we cross a busy road in a buzzing city.

Monday, December 14, 2009

MESSAGE TO MYSELF (on the eve of SONEE'S first birthday)

"Your children are not your children:
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,For their souls dwell in the house of
tomorrow,which you cannot visit,not even in your dreams.You may strive to be like them,but seek not to make them like you...."
                                         -Children by Kahlil Gibran
On your first birthday dear, I promise you and myself that the quest to be only your companion in this journey called life will always persist.
It is a pleasure being your parent and though it is commonly believed that children must obey and follow parents, I will request you to only grant me respect due to my years and experience and not due to a biological compulsion.
I wish that you live your life on your own terms,learn from your own mistakes,but always come back to me for reference and love.
I wish that you grow up to be a confident young lady who is fearless and determined and will always follow her heart.
I wish that you follow your dreams,learn from failures and overcome all your shortcomings with perseverance.
lots of love always.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Adrak wali chai

In response to my incessant sneezing since morning,my multi-task manager at home sumitra ji insisted that I must have a cup of strong adrak wali chai.A few minutes later there I was sipping one of  the many good things about winters.It tasted great and provided the much needed relief to my congested respiratory passages,but that was not all.
Today this cup of adrak wali chai brought with it a flood of memories.My next sip tasted extra sweet as I remembered the one I shared with my then best friend and now husband in a roadside dhaba.I was reminded of the lonely adrak wali chai I had alone in a hospital corridor praying for the success of my father's surgery.The innumerable adrak wali chais that I had in my college canteen editing the college magazine,oh god! I feel so nostalgic.How can I not mention The many cups of adrak wali chai I made for visitors as they poured in our ancestral house to mourn the sudden demise of my uncle.
It is common knowledge that Adrak they say has many medicinal qualities,what I discovered today is that adrak can also be used to preserve memories.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Guardian Angel....

One of the few good things that have remained with me from my convent education is the concept of a guardian angel.If I remember correctly,when I used to sing "Guardian angel watch over me,wherever I go wherever I'll be",in the primary section,it didn't really mean much.As I grew up the idea of someone watching over me was surely not a pleasant thing,but as soon as I stepped into the rather tough terrain of pre-adulthood,the idea of someone always there with me started catching up.
In my adult life the idea stayed with me ,but like many other good things from childhood remained buried.When I was growing up I had made an image in my mind of my guardian angel,quite a vivid one ,in spotless white complete with an aura and a wand.
Today many years later,when I am a mom and sceptic enough to belief in good surreal things, life brought me a surprise gift.In the stressful scenario of looking after my kid in a friendless and angelless metro city,I found out that guardian angels don't always wear spotless whites.They sometimes are clad in a simple cotton dhoti and all they carry is a small packet of homemade sweets and lots of love.
As my 11 month old rushed into the arms of her old caretaker ,with a million -dollar smile and a twinkle in the eye ,I am glad I instantly recognised that a Guardian angel had arrived.
She can not  read this ,but thankyou Sumitra ji for being our guardian angel!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

DIWALI MUSINGS !!!!!

Amidst the hectic but mundane routine of looking after an active 10 month old,I had thought sonee's first diwali would be a welcome change for both of us.We would do all the little girly things that she is yet to learn and i have already dumped post-motherhood-dressing up,decorating our space,so on and so forth.
Just before the d-day something happened-something I'm yet to pin-point,something which robbed me of all my newly found enthusiasm.Ididn't look forward to diwali then on,I lost all interest in decoration and dressing up and deep within another debate germinated-what do festivals actually mean?what perception of a festival should i create for my daughter?why do celebrate certain days?
why had i become so sceptical,i'm yet to find out.we did everything we usually do on a diwali,even went to a swanky party which we don't usually do.as i witnessed my husband showing my daughter distant lights, neighbourhood childern bursting crackers ,people at the party pseudo-wishing each other,i realised we all celebrate a different diwali every time .it means different things to different people every year.today morning as my househelp was cribbing that this time she got yellow sarees from all the homes she works for ,i realised that i'm yet to decide what colour was my diwali this year.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

MARTYR MOMS

I became a mom just ten months ago and trust me before that I was normal -happily married,working 10 to 5,29 yrs old modern indian woman.Motherhood seemed to be quite a rosy proposition but not anything worthy of more regard than some other types of achievements in life.


Somehow I always detested the extra-glorified pedestal being granted to motherhood,especially in our books,mythology,folklore and movies,I still do,because I feel it is just a biological preference given to us women-though slightly sophisticated

Sonee,my little one, has taught me a lot of things about self and life,about being an average mom and being ok about it.Yes motherhood has come with a lot of baggage but then what in life doesn't?

I don't think it is something glorious to be a mom however Ido think it is a very brave decision and a very costly commitment.It settles for nothing less than your complete self and in return sometimes leaves you tired ,depressed and alone.

So I choose to be just a mom and refuse to be a martyr unlike many mom's I know who don't miss a single opportunity to tell their childern "maine tumhare liye kya nahin kiya",who don't let their childern own and lead their lives and who love to be glorified as the martyr moms.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A PRAYER..........

I don't know you....
haven't ever seen or touched you,
yet your pain is mine.....
your first few breaths in this world seem labored....
and as you struggle to hold onto this gift of life
in your tiny fists,
I stare at my baby girl
and my heart sends a silent prayer your way.

I don't know you....
haven't ever seen or touched you,
but we have a special bond
you are a newborn
and I am a mom.

Monday, April 6, 2009

A Wee Bit of Heaven

A wee bit of heaven
Drifted down from above
A handful of happiness
A heartful of love
A mystery of life
So sacred and so sweet
The giver of joy
So deep and complete.
Precious and priceless
So lovable too
The world's sweetest miracle
Baby, it's you.

Friday, April 3, 2009

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER......

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER -
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending theearth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before itmelted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summerday because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me wasthe only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later.Now go get washed up for dinner.'
There would have been more 'I loveyou's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.look at it and really see it . . live it and never give it back.
STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
-by Erma Bombeck(written after she found out she was dying from cancer)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Vanity thy name is parents!

On a bright sunday morning,mama-papa and Sonee walked into what they had thought would be a baby show,organised by a famous pre-school chain.Right at the reception the indications were quite the contrary.Some parents were jostling and struggling to get the numerologicaly lucky token numbers for their tots,while others were shamefully staring at other babies carefully evaluating their chances against their own prodigy.It was a show of power ,money,and status.In short,the event was everything else but a baby show.Weren't baby shows supposed to be fun events for parents and children to get to know each other,play a few harmless and guileless games ,win some prizes and go home with a truckload of happy memories and a list of new friends and contacts?
Maybe times have actually changed for the worse.These are real competitive times where we don't even think twice before shoving our bundle of joy in this race to be the best always.Trophy wives are things of the past ,now we must have trophy children ,in the best designer wear ,to flaunt and boast about,and god forbid if our baby is less than the best we are hit where it hurts the must.Pop goes our vanity bubble and we look with envy at the proud parents of a prize-winning baby.
Can't we let our child be it's own reward not forget the special privilege that He has bestowed on us -to be parents.Why not just show our baby the wonderful world instead of putting our babies on show.
My personal apologies to Sonee for taking her to what i had supposed to be a baby show.I promise u darling this was our first and last.

Friday, March 6, 2009

MY BABY
It is in your toothless grin
that I see the heaven's smile
it is in your weird gestures and poses
that i see the complexities of life

you were born a few months ago
and your journey began.....
i was reborn alongwith you
and my journey has become tougher but better.........

thanks for choosing me to be your mom
thanks for ....being.....my baby !!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

"Just when you give up

the whole process begins again

and you are as pure as if you had confessed

and received absolution.

You have done nothing to deserve it,

you have merely slept

and got up again,

feeling fine because the morning is fine;

sufficient reason surely

for faith in a process

that can perform such miracles

without assistance from you.

Imagine what it would do with a little assistance from you! "

--Nissim Ezekiel

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

TO MY CHILD
Just for this morning,
I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear,
and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning,
I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning,
I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon,
I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off,
and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon,
I will not yell once,
not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck,
and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon,
I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up,
or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon,
I will let you help me bake cookies,
and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon,
I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.......
Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born
and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late
while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours,
and miss my favourite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray,
I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms.
The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that little body
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing more,

Orange Flower Awards

@IAmSufiZen

COMPANIONS CALLED BOOKS

To Kill a Mockingbird
The Catcher in the Rye
Animal Farm
The Alchemist
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Romeo and Juliet
Frankenstein
The Odyssey
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
The Count of Monte Cristo
Eat, Pray, Love
Lolita
The Da Vinci Code
The Kite Runner
The Silence of the Lambs
The Diary of a Young Girl
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Notebook
Gone With the Wind
}

I WILL RING THE BELL.WILL YOU?

The Human Bean Cafe, Ontario

The Human Bean Cafe, Ontario
my work on display there !!!!!